Gulo

Gulong-gulo ako
Gulong-gulo sa'yo.
Ako mismo, hindi ko na alam ang gagawin
Kaya nga't sa Diyos nalang dumalangin.

Kasi yung totoo,
Kung hahayaan ko lang talaga 'to,
Tiyak ang lalabas na sagot ay oo.
Dahil ganito kalakas yung tama ko sa'yo.

Ang pangit pakinggan
Na ako pa babae ang natamaan.
Pero may magagawa pa nga ba ako?
Kahit anong pigil ko, balik ng balik pa din sa'yo.

Di mo siguro alam kung gaano ko pinigilan
Di mo siguro alam kung ilang beses ko sinubukan.
Pero ikaw naman kasi, ang gulo-gulo mo rin
Kung kailan na bibitiw na'ko, doon mo rin hihilain.

Tapos tsaka mo iiwan sa ere
Yung tipo bang parang walang nangyari?
Siguro nga hindi mo lang talaga alam
Kung anong gulong dulot mo sa'king nararamdaman.

Kung iisipin, kaya ko pa naman na ganito
Pero nakakapagod din kaya, ano.
Alam kong di mo naman ako pinapaasa
Ako lang naman itong naghahangad ng iba.

Kaya nga sinasabi ko na ayoko na
Tama na 'tong pabalik-balik ha?
Ayoko nang magkagusto sa taong walang gusto sa'kin
Masakit at ako'y naka-ilang beses na rin.

Nagdasal ako, nanalangin sa Diyos
Nagtanong, humingi ng huling pagtutuos.
Kasi maging ako ay hindi makaintindi
Kung bakit ang nararamdaman ko'y hindi maitimpi.

Yung sagot Niya ay itinali ko sa sagot mo
Ilang araw ko hinintay at iniyakan ito
Kasi gusto ko na talaga ng kaliwanagan
Kung hahayaan ko ba, o ika'y dapat nang kalimutan.

At ang naging sagot? Naalala mo pa ba?
Tinanong kita kung dadating ba ang araw na magmamahal ka.
Hindi man ganoon mismo yung pagkakatanong ko
Pero ganoon na rin yun kung lubos na iintindihin mo

Sinabi mo'y hindi ka gapos na pagdaanan ang ganoong estado
At iyon ay sagot na "hindi" sa pagkakaintindi ko
Kung kaya't doon di'y nagdesisyon ako
Na limutin na ang nararamdaman para sa'yo.

Pero binawi mo yung sagot mo sa mga kasunod mong sinabi
Bakit ganoon? Bakit ang gulo mo? Bakit mo pa binawi?
Okay na sana, natanggap ko na
Yung aking naging desisyon na kalimutan ka.

Pero kahit ganoon, binawi mo man o hindi
Nakapagdesisyon na akong maghunos dili
Ayoko na din kasi ibuhos ang lahat ng atensyon ko dito
Malay natin, balang araw, pero sa ngayon, bitiw na muna ako.

Kung ikaw man ang tunay na para sakin
Balang araw, diyan tayo ay aabot din
Pero sa ngayon, hangga't wala pang sigurado
Mas mabuting tapusin na muna natin itong gulo.

Translation:

I am confused

I am confused with you

I, myself, do not know anymore what I must do

That's why instead, I just pray to God

Because the truth is

If I just let this be

Then of course the answer would turn out to be yes

Because that is just how strong my feelings for you are

It doesn't even sound right

That I, a girl, am the one who feels this strongly

But is there anything I can do about it?

No matter what I do, I just keep on coming back to you

You probably don't know how hard I tried to stop it

You probably don't know how many times I tried

It's partly your fault as well, you are just so confusing

Whenever I'm about to let go, that's when you pull me right back.

And then you suddenly leave me in mid-air

In a way as if nothing just happened?

Maybe you really just don't know

What confusion you have caused to these feelings of mine

If you think about, I can actually still go on this way

But it's also tiring me out, you know.

I know that you're not really even making me hope in vain

It's just me all along who hopes for something more.

That's why I'm saying that I don't want to keep going on like this

Let's put a stop to this back-and-forth already, okay?

I wanna stop liking someone who has no feelings for me

It hurts, and I 've already done it once too many times

I prayed, I prayed hard to God

I asked and asked for a final guidance for this.

Because even I can't understand anymore

Why my feelings for you just cannot be reined.

I tied His answer to yours

For days, I waited and cried for this

Because I just really wanted clarity already

Whether I should let it go, or let this be.

And the answer? Do you still remember?

I asked you if there will ever be a time that you will love

I may not have asked the question exactly that way

But it would mean the same if you really think about it.

You said that you are not limited to go through that stage

And that means "no" in my own understanding of it

That's why, then and there, I decided

To finally forget my feelings for you.

But you took back your answer in the next things you said

Why? Why are you so confusing? Why did you take them back?

It was fine already, I've already accepted

The decision I made to forget my feelings for you.

But even so, whether you took them back or not

I've already decided to stop being foolish

Because I just wanted to stop focusing all my attention to this

We don't know, maybe someday it can still happen, but for now, I'm letting go.

If you are indeed the one for me,

One day, we will definitely get there too,

But for now, until nothing is for sure,

It's better to put a stop to this mess.

In My Silence

I'm not pretending that I don't know.
I just choose not to say anything.
Because I know that if these feelings I'd allow to show,
nothing would change, nothing good would happen.

I chose not to act upon it, not to say a single word.
And if I'm hurting now, they wouldn't hear it from me.
Some might say my rationalizing is erred,
but wrong or not, I just rather not fuss over it.

Knowing full well that one word could lead to another,
I kept everything to myself, sharing only to few.
I was fine; I didn't let it get it to me; I didn't bother.
But just like that, the calm, that I veiled myself with, shattered..

My emotions are in wreck.
Like a broken dam, it flows unceasingly.
I had worked so hard to keep it in check.
But those words had stripped me of my protection.

I didn't need anyone to tell me what I already felt.
I didn't need to be woken up nor my eyes be opened.
Because I knew from the start what cards I have been dealt.
I knew it was never a winning hand, wasn't even a safe one.

Silence does not always mean Ignorance,
just as talking about it does not mean knowing all about it.
I wasn't happy with this, but talking would offer no assistance.
I was prepared to wait it out, until it didn't bother me anymore..

But now, in my rawness, it has pierced me so.
To it, I can no longer feign cold indifference.
Now it is something truly called my woe.
And yet despite all this, I still choose to remain in silence.

Whatever I think, whatever I feel.
I will utter no word to them. Not a squeak.
But all this I write today, I write so I can heal.
Words I do not say, in pen I find my solace.

Under the Same Sky

I've always been
A hopeless romantic.
A girl in love
with the idea of love.

And as I stare
at the beautiful night sky,
I can't help but think
Dream
That someday
Somewhere
You and I
Will find our way to each other.
As long as we are both under this same beautiful sky.

There's no telling when
Or how we are to meet.
All I know
is that it will happen someday.
Yes, someday,
Our paths will intertwine.
You and I
Will lie under this sky and gaze at it
Together.

Seven Ages

Maybe I'm the one for you, and you're the one for me
But how will we ever know if we never even try to solve this mystery?
We can take the chance or we can let it pass
But don't you think it's worth exploring if there could be an us?

Have you never wondered at all, taken notice at all?
Or maybe I still have much to do to get over your wall.
I know I've yet to ignite the spark inside your heart
But somehow in your mind I'd eventually hold my own part.

And since 1+1=2, and we know that the integral of e dx is e
Then maybe you might see what a match to each other we could be
When nerds of similar interests meet,
Don't you think even corn can turn sweet?

So if you ever see our weirdness' compatibility
If God so opens your eyes and you finally look at me
Perhaps then I could finally make you understand and believe
That a non-superficial and unselfish love can exist beyond Adam and Eve.

But know that I know you're still in stage two, and still have much to finish and do
And to be completely honest, the same goes for me too.
I may have finished school before your way even got mid.
But my life is still in the process of becoming how I planned it.

So I'm not rushing you, no, we can take our sweet time
And let this music of ours find its natural beat and rhyme
Because if it's meant to be, if you are indeed the one for me
God will make a way, darling, for you and me to end up as "we".

And if it turns out that this match up will end in shambles
If it so happens that I am just Adler to your Holmes
But still, I'd like to try it to the end, and see what could be destined
Will we diverge, or converge in a stage three sequel up to stage seven?

Only Friends

The hardest part of falling for a friend
Is that you can't really tell,
In fear of losing the friendship,
In fear of jeopardizing everything.

But yes, it is good to be close to the one you adore.
I can spend time and talk without making up excuses to do so.
And can ask you many things under the pretense of friendship,
All these, others could only hope for.

I asked you one time,
The things you seek for in a girl.
Much to my chagrin, I am way beyond what captures you.
It is way beyond my reach.

And then after some time, I mustered up the courage to ask
Who the lucky girl is, the one who caught your fancy.
But then again, I knew, before I even asked,
it could never be me, and I was right.

And thus is why I wonder
Do you not even notice?
Do you not realize why I'm so curious?
Because I think the answer is obvious.

What does she have that I don't?
No, what do they have that I don't?
But who am kidding?
I already know the answer.

And though I know I am not really lacking..
Yes, I'm not perfect, but I still am very eligible.
And yet, despite that, I see myself as insignificant.
Because nearly all my endeavors have been fruitless.

You are not the first, and probably not the last.
Again, my heart has been broken,
because I am not up to what you seek.
Why, I always ask, must I be subjected to this fate?

I'm sorry I don't have the qualities you like,
I'm sorry I'm not what you're looking for.
I guess I never can be the apple of your eye.
But atleast in my dreams, you are mine.

Heart Speaks First

Meaning what you say
Saying what you mean
We both know they’re two different things.

What your mouth says
What your hearts speaks
You say they’re different, but how will I ever know?

You push me away
You tell me you need me
What am I supposed to do?

You’re telling me not to let it all slip away
You’re telling me to not believe all you say
But how would I know what to believe when it’s all a mess?
I can’t just believe some words and disregard the rest.

You say we’re a team even when it hurts.
Saying your words don’t mean as much as what your heart exerts.
It isn’t a good distinction.
No, we can’t stay in this confusion.

To stay together, we’re bound to get hurt sometimes,
Don’t say you don’t mean the words, don’t say they’re just lies.
Sometimes I will get hurt, you will too, but we will learn to be better.
Know that loving won’t work if we can’t be honest with each other.

Goodbye to You

We had a relationship that lasted long,
Unlike others, we managed to stay strong.
And we probably would have continued to do so,
But we made the decision, and it was to let go.

Maybe at first, I was just scared to let go.
Maybe I just didn’t want to go beyond what I know.
Because for so long, being with you became my norm.
I was scared to test the waters, because I already knew “warm”.

But the time had come, it was our time to say goodbye.
Because sometimes there are things that can’t go on with just “try”.
It was painful, it was hard,
But for us, it was necessary to part.

So goodbye to you, goodbye to us,
Goodbye to so many things, goodbye to what was.
I loved you, I really did. And I know you did too.
But maybe we both saw this coming; I think we both knew.

I say goodbye, but really, we’d still see each other again,
Because though we’re no longer lovers, we’re always gonna be friends.
Moving on was not easy, we both knew it’d be that way.
But we knew it was for the best, for us to see better days.