Atleast You Tried

You've been preparing yourself for that day,

you've rehearsed in your mind, over and over, what you gotta say.
You feel yourself backing out, afraid of what might happen,
but you think to yourself, if not now then when?

So you trudge forward hesitantly, fearful and nervous,
but this you do not show, though your emotions try to break loose.
You get it over with finally, once and for all,
and that was what started your whole downfall.

The words poured out, you've said all that has to be said.
Now your only fear is to hear the words you truly dread.
But they did not speak, they did not have anything to say to you.
So now you feel down after doing what you had to do.

Yet that is not what you should really feel.
Be glad, be proud, because your emotions are real.
You were brave enough to do what you fear.
Do not belittle yourself for what you did is not mere.

In this current world, you won't always get what you deserve,
so don't be surprised if your life takes you to a curve.
Don't be too down because you didn't get what you wish for,
there are many more plans for you, you just need to open the door.

Maybe it's just not for you now or maybe it's not for you ever,
but atleast this you know now, you won't be tormented forever.
Atleast you tried, atleast you know what this path has in store.
You gained success in a different way than what you had hoped for.

If I were to fall again

If I were to fall again,

it wouldn't be this painful and hard.
I'd be pickier than most women,
'Coz you've set me a new standard.

If I were to love once more,
I swear, I'd be more careful.
I won't let just anyone through my door,
I'd make sure he'd be more thoughtful.

If I were to again fall for you,
It'd be trickier than the last.
I'd make sure you're falling too,
so it won't happen like the past.

If I were to meet my dream guy,
I know that he'll love me so.
Unlike you, he won't make me cry.
You then I could finally forget and let go.

Next time

You are not the one for me,

this I already know.
Because I'm the only one who cares, as I see.
you never really did confirm it though.

My eyes have long been blinded.
My heart has long been hurt.
'Coz my feelings, you have never minded.
Now back then, I know what we did was just flirt.

But gradually my eyes were opened,
and my heart escaped the pain.
Now I see you again only as a friend,
but some things will never be the same.

There is a reason why things like these happen,
why I had to fall in and out of love with you.
Though I don't know what, why, how or when.
But I know that these are simply what I had to do.

So now all has been done,
and I guess it was just a test.
An obstacle to see what I'd do, if I'd run.
But I was intact when I got out of that mess.

The things I've done, I don't regret.
The choices I made will make or break me.
But all I've gone through, I shan't forget.
Even though you and I just aren't meant to be.

Though this time, we can't be together.
But that's ok, I've already moved on.
Maybe next time around, we would be for each other,
in my next life, or another world, in a different dimension.

Irrelevant

I don't know what took me so long to decide,

But now it's time I end this little fantasy ride.
It is now time for me to move on,
because all has already been said and done.

My heart has been led astray,
and now it's time to go back the right way.
I must leave all these memories behind,
A part of my past I do not wish to rewind.

I will stop chasing what was never meant.
I must let go, and do something different.
It is stupid that you weren't even mine to let go.
But it matters not, 'coz I've always been foolish, that I know.

I don't regret that I ever told you.
Because in my eyes, it was the right thing to do.
So like a dove, I'm gonna fly free.
Away from all worries, only freedom I see.

And what happens here on matters no more.
All I can say is, "mope? What for?"
I need not pretend nor pull any stunt.
because now it is all just irrelevant.

Last Honest Goodbye

So maybe I have been lying

To myself and to others.
Maybe that is why deep inside, I'm still hurting,
Because my heart just really wants to burst.

It has been so long.
I can't even remember your voice anymore.
But still, I feel that something is wrong,
like I left an unclosed door.

And lately you've been in my dreams again,
like a ghost haunting me.
I told myself, I'd move on, but when?
Because until now, the past won't let me be.

I am still waiting, as of now.
Waiting for that day to come.
I may not know when or how,
but from waiting, I won't grow tiresome.

I'd just like to tell you that I know you don't feel anything for me,
and I guess I know the reason, so I'm not going to ask you why,
but I wish you'd say you don't like me, so my heart would finally see.
I just want you to free my heart with one last honest goodbye.

Broken

Some people are different,

they just don't mix well with the crowd,
their personalities have a dent,
they're either too silent or too loud.

They don't open up easily,
these people tend to feel so separate,
Though they surround themselves frequently
with items or people, but such just can't satiate.

They might not have always been that way,
they might have been just like any other person,
but so many things we cannot really say,
like what happened or what caused what had been done.

But the thing is, we're all different.
We all make choices on who we want to be,
though not all understand how others become bent.
The answer lies in what did and didn't happen to them, and you, and me.

Everybody goes through something,
that's just how Life is.
Though it may not be that much of anything,
but that doesn't mean that Life missed.

There are only two kinds of people in the world,
those who know how to deal with themselves, and those who don't,
but just because they know how doesn't mean they would,
it happens oftentimes that they decide they just won't.

We are the ones who choose what to do with our damage,
but not everyone finds enough reason to do something.
Other people find the motivation to move to the next page,
but there are those who just don't find anything.

Not everyone notices enough to care,
and not everyone cares enough to notice.
Then there are those who are actually fully aware,
but they'd still rather not insist.

Everyone's broken in their own way,
but not everyone does something about it.
We all do something to survive the day,
but when darkness comes, only few candles are lit.

City-hopping

Admire the buildings in Shinjuku, the skyscraper district of Tokyo;

Be dazzled by the view from The Peak in Hong Kong;

Climb the Great Wall of China and greet the locals "ni hao!";

Collect all kinds of Merlion souvenirs from Singapore.

Buy a closet of fashionable outfits in Venice;

Take a picture of the Eiffel Tower in Paris;

Await the Big Ben to strike exactly 12:00 o' clock;

Go to the Highlands of Scotland and wear a kilt while playing a tune on bagpipes.

Ride a hot air balloon over the Masai Mara in Kenya;

View the remarkable Victoria falls in between Livingstone and the town of Victoria Falls;

Stroll around the culturally diverse city of Cape Town;

And gaze at the giant pyramids of Giza in Cairo;

Lounge on the beautiful shores of Hawaii;

Explore every inch of the famous Big Apple;

Drive over the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco;

And walk among the fabulous and the famous in Los Angeles.

Wherever you are, wherever you go,

There is always a spectacle to see.

Travel all around, jump from place to place, and try all sorts of things.

Get crazy, and you will see the chaotic world that you know in a different perspective.

Unsaid

I still remember that fateful day,

that changed my life, brought me to this way.
If only I could turn back the things that happened.
The effect of my actions, if only I could mend.

A lot of stuff have constantly been on my mind,
and it seems that this past I could not leave behind.
I've always wondered how the circumstances could've played,
if back then I had acknowledged the feelings I used to evade.

I've left so many things unsaid,
and to this consequence I had been led.
I am paying the price for the mistakes I've done before,
had I not been so foolish, I could've been happy and more.

I will always blame myself for the love that I lost.
My misplaced pride is the root, is the cause.
I truly regret what I've done to your heart,
in protecting my own, I tore yours apart.

So here I am now, knocking on your door,
and you might ask me, what my visit is for.
I am here to ask forgiveness and to confess to you,
though it may be too late, but still, this I will do.

I know you may not forgive me, nor accept my attempt for romance,
because back then I broke your heart and effectively screw up my chance.
I cannot blame you if you cannot yet forgive me,
I can only blame myself for I did not immediately see.
You are my everything, you're the only remedy to my pain,
And until you're mine again, my life will be an unending rain.


*This poem was an accompaniment to my novelette which was also entitled "Unsaid", rather, it was a poem I wrote to be used in that novelette.

This Time

You used to have such an impact on me,

this I remember all too well.
Somehow my heart still skips a beat whenever you I see,
but it's not the same anymore, that I could tell.

I'd moved on, yes, it's true,
but I'd be lying to myself if I said I no longer find you attractive.
Because you'll always look that way to me, no matter what I do.
And it's okay, 'coz even with this burden, I could still live.

But this time, that's all there is to it,
my heart no longer yearns for you.
I've recovered from that painful hit,
all that's left is the memory of what I've gone through.

You were such an actor,
you've managed to fool me.
I don't even know what that was all for,
but I'd been stupid, yes, I now see.

But This time I look at you with no bitterness,
no resent for what had befallen me in your hands.
That sun has already set in the west,
all that happened had been washed away, like waves on the sands.

The Silent Martyr

All this feelings I have for you,

I keep them all inside.

I have no intention at all, to ever let you know of them,

Because I know it will make no difference.

Unrequited, that is what my feelings are.

Nothing more, and nothing less.

But I do not hold that in grudge against you,

And not even to the one who holds your heart.

Rather I will not utter one word of it,

Even when the time comes

That my heart will fall and shatter like before.

Like it did for all the other men....

I tell myself, I'm used to it.

Used to my feelings unreturned.

But who am I trying to fool?

Other people might believe it, but not me, not my heart.

And thus is why I keep this all to myself.

Much has happened to me already.

My silence will not be in vain,

Atleast, this is how I console myself.

I am so pathetic, ain't I?

Ruled too much by my own emotions,

They say these could be one's strength,

But why does it seem otherwise for me?...

Perhaps, someday, there will come a time to tell you.

But not now, and I sincerely hope it won't be soon.

Because I see it as irrelevant,

To risk such friendship by such unnecessary episodes.

So my lips will be sealed til that day.

I am in content to just be your friend who cares more than you'll ever know.

I guess, such is the fate of a person

Who is one with Loneliness, itself...

Only You

I've never felt this way before.

Because of you, my heart feels sore.
I don't understand why I feel like this.
How cruel this insane love is.

I feel this way for only you.
It's crazy, and I don't know what to do.
I try to find somebody else,
but it is your name that my heart yells.

I miss you dearly, if you only knew.
No one else had held my heart like you do.
I am incomplete without you here.
You're my missing part, I need you near.

A lot of guys had attempted, they come and go.
But none of them could take away my woe.
It is as if no matter what I try,
I'll still love you as time goes by.

It seems no guy could replace you in my heart,
because I've loved you way back from the start.
So I may not know why, but this, I know, is true,
This foolish heart of mine belongs to only you.

It's still HIM

He was my friend, one dear to my heart.

We've known each other for quite a while now.
We were just comrades, oblivious to Cupid's dart.
But something happened, and I don't know how.

One day, our banters gradually lessened.
All the teasing and playing around, it was so different.
He told me the reason, told me he was smitten.
But I wasn't sure whether his words, he really meant.

I didn't feel the same way back then.
Yet something happened, feelings for him grew.
But I wasn't ready, and I don't even know when.
Now when I think back, I regret the chance I threw.

We don't see each other frequently, so I thought it would fade.
But the more I stayed away, the more I couldn't forget.
To me, the chance of letting go just seems to evade.
While he went on, here I am. Moving on? Not yet.

Though someone else is giving me special attention.
He's still the one, the one I yearn for.
I keep waiting for my fate to change, be in motion,
yet my heart waits for him to come through my door.

And I don't even know why it is him, I fell in love with.
He's not the one whose looks could sweep you off your feet.
Yet no other guy could get these feelings rid.
He's still the one who makes my heart beat.

Trying to forget him is a futile attempt.
Not even his flaws could make my love dim.
From his mistakes, I try to find a way, an exempt.
But I can't escape, 'Coz in my heart, It's still HIM, only HIM.

Selfishness Squared

"Ok. Give me your best smile!" She said before starting the record of my weekly video.

I started to play the opening keys of "If I Ain't Got You", and began to sing.

I love to sing, and I can play several instruments, including the piano, acoustic and electric guitar, saxophone, violin, and drums. I frequently make video covers of good songs and I post all of them on youtube. I've been getting good hits lately, and this has motivated me to make more. You see, like the usual person, I dream of hitting big and becoming famous someday.

I am Ryan Andersons, 23 years of age, and this is how my story goes...

"Ryan, look, you have more than 500,000 hits on your latest video! The one where you covered Chris Brown's "Say Goodbye"." Natalie Drewman, my girlfriend of 5 years now, exclaimed to me as she sat cross-legged on the bed, using the laptop to browse through my youtube account.

"Really? Lemme see!" I scrambled to her side which jostled her a little.

"Yup! See? The number of your subscribers has seriously gone up too!" She pointed out.

"You're right, Allie. Woah! There are 32 more subscribers now." I gave a low whistle for myself. "Just above 200 subscribers..."

"Well, love,  you have posted a lot of videos, so I guess it's just about right that you're getting quite some attention now." Allie said. "Maybe you'll get noticed soon..."

Noticed, huh? I knew what she meant. I only joined youtube about 4 months ago, but I already have quite the fame. Some bigshots are bound to notice, I suppose? I grinned at her, "You think so? Well, I'm not quite sure, but of course, I'm hoping for it!"

"It would really be great if that happens. You'd be one step closer to your dream!" She put her arms around me as she finished speaking.

"That would be a nice picture, love. I wonder if it'll ever be real..." I said slowly as I stared at Allie's beautiful face.

"Oh, shush! What happened to all that optimism?" She looked me in the eye as she gave me a scolding.

I brushed some stray hair from her face. "I could use some moments to actually think realistically."

"I'm sure it's not that far off, Ryan. You'll reach your dream... And I'll always be here to support you all the way.." She gave me a sweet smile.

That was how we were. Hopeful, despite the uncertainty of the future. Until a month and a half later....

 "I'll be heading out to the groceries, you need anything, love?" Allie asked as she prepared herself to leave.

"Some softdrinks would be fine. And don't forget chips." I told her as she headed for the door.

I decided to follow her outside to the living room. She went to the kitchen and opened the fridge to inspect its contents.

"Hmmm. Seems we're running out of this....and that...." I heard her murmur.

I sat down on the couch and absentmindedly flipped through the channels on the television as I turned on the laptop to check on my Youtube account.

Allie was still in the kitchen when I was checking the latest updates on my videos. Seems my subscribers has increased in number again, and my videos are getting more and more hits. I checked on some of the latest comments. Most of them were compliments from various people, others were requests for certain songs, then of course, there were those comments from haters. I didn't mind those hate comments, they go with being in the territory.

It would be time for a Q&A soon, so I focused mostly on the question comments, and copied some of them into the Notepad. The comments were particularly interesting with my video from two weeks ago. It was sort of a music video of Stevie Hoang's "Changes" that I made with Allie. In fact, it seemed to have the most hits out of all my videos so far, and it was only two weeks ago! How cool was that? Anyway, a lot of girls were commenting, "Is that your girlfriend?". Some were even saying that they wished they were my girlfriend instead. Then there were those comments from guys saying, "Nice girl, bro! A real beauty." It all made me quite amused, so I decided to include that in my Q&A.

I was still in the middle of choosing the questions when the telephone began to ring. Allie hurriedly closed the fridge to answer it. She was still holding the pad of paper and the pen she was using to list down the things she had to buy at the grocery.

"Andersons Residence. How may I help you?" She was as cheerful and formal as ever in answering phone calls. I used to teased her that she sounded like a hotel receptionist or something.

I went on with what I was doing, while vaguely listening to what she was saying.

"May I know who's calling?" She went on. Suddenly she dropped the paper and pen she was holding and gave a low gasp. "StarMusic Studios?" She barely squeeked, which was so out of character for her when talking to strangers on the phone.

But I heard it clearly though it was hardly above a whisper. The words had me on full alert right away and I looked in Allie's direction. She beckoned me to come over.

"Yes, yes. He's here." She was saying.

I immediately stood up and went to her. She gave me the phone and looked at me with mix of shock and glee. Then she bent down to pick up the things she dropped.

"This is Ryan Andersons speaking. You asked for me?" What the...? I was sounding a lot like Allie. I chided myself. She sure was rubbing off on me, but I guess it was probably the only response appropriate for talking with, and I really can't believe it's really them, StarMusic Studios personnel.

"Yes. Yes. Great to finally have you on line. This is probably informal, but we had no other way to contact you, Mr. Andersons." The person on the other end was saying.

I hastily replied. "Oh no, it's ok, really. I guess it's not easy to locate someone, even with the powers of the internet nowadays."

The person laughed. "That is true. We were lucky enough that you provided contact on your Google+ account. We didn't want to result to emails, you see. We weren't sure if you might think of those as scams or fake emails. Those do seem to be common now."

"I have to agree with that. I would have been hesitant to answer if you had contacted me via email." I admitted.

He gave another jolly laugh. "Well, I was right about that then."

"Yes. So, what is the reason for your call, Mister...?" I hesitated.

"I apologize, it seems I forgot to introduce myself. I am Mr. Wells. And I called to tell you that Sir Raffy has developed an interest in your talents. Your youtube videos had been brought to his attention by some managers who are interested to get you, you see. And he wants to schedule a meeting with you. I'm sure you've heard of him, Mr. Raffy, or Ralphonson Steel of StarMusic Studios." Mr. Wells said.

Ralphonson Steel? One of the main executives of StarMusic Studios? The one responsible for making talented nobodies into nobody-doesn't-know-your-name somebodies? THAT Ralphonson Steel? He wants to meet with ME? I must be dreaming.

"Oh, uhm, sure. When would that be?" I tried to keep my composure.

"On the 28th, which would be 10 days from now. That is if you find the date manageable." Mr. Wells. told me.

"Oh, it's fine. The time and place would be?" I asked.

He answered promptly, "9:00 in the morning, at the Chateau des Reves, at the VIP Lounge on the top floor."

"Ok. Thanks, anything else?" I said.

"That is all, Mr. Andersons. Looking forward to see you." He replied.

"Thanks, Mr. Wells. Goodbye." I said.

"Adieu." He said before the line finally went dead.

I took a deep breath, but was by surprise upon realizing that Allie was standing right behind me.

"So......? How was it....?" She asked slowly.

I took a few more breaths to steady myself, then I grinned at her.

She understood already, of course, and threw her arms around me. "Oh, Ryan! I'm so happy for you!" I wrapped my own arms around her. She looked at me and beamed a smile. "Tonight we are going to celebrate!"

"That would be great!" I told her.

She stepped out of my arms then and said, "Well, I gotta hurry to the groceries now, so I could start preparing our little celebration."

I smiled at her. "Sure. Go ahead and hurry or I'm gonna starve to death!"

She pouted a little. "You're always starving!" But she was laughing as she left.

The day for the meeting finally came...

I was waiting in the VIP Lounge as Mr. Wells told me, and Allie sat beside me, fidgeting with her bracelets.

I took her arm and squeezed it. She looked at me then. I smiled at her. "Hey, C'mon, this is it! The real deal!"

She smiled weakly in response. "Yeah, I know. I'm happy for you, really. But.."

I cut her off. "You know, it's like you're the one signing up for something big and not me. Ain't I suppsed to be the one all nervous and doubtful?" I grinned at her.

Finally she laughed and took a deep breath. "You're right. I don't even know what I'm nervous for. I mean, I just can't believe it's finally happening!"

"Yeah. Exactly." I said.

We had arrived at the hotel 20 minutes before the meeting time, but when 9:00 AM came, only a harried-looking guy who looked to be in his 50s came to the lounge. He immediately made a beeline to us and introduced himself as Mr. Wells.

"I apologize that Mr. Raffy is not here yet, he has been caught up in a meeting. He'll be here soon enough." He told me as he occupied the edge of the couch across from us. "I am his assistant, just so you know. So I rushed here ahead to inform you of his current predicament."

"That's ok, uh, I understand he's a really busy man, and a successful one at that." I said. "I wouldn't want to get in the way of his daily affairs."

After about 45 minutes of waiting, finally some people came into the lounge. Mr. Wells immediately stood up to lead them to where we were.

"Sir Raffy, here is Mr. Andersons." Mr. Wells motioned to me as they all sat down.

"Yes, it's a pleasure to meet you sir." I said.

"Indeed it is." Mr. Raffy said. "I've heard about your growing fame in youtube. It has come to my attention that you definitely have talent which deserves to be showcased to the world."

"I am flattered that you think that way, sir." I told him.

"Yes, well, it is rare for me to meet with clients myself this days, often I leave that to the managers, they only get to meet me when they're already famous all around the world. You are lucky." He told me.

"Thanks sir." I said.

"So let's gets straight to the point. I want StarMusic Studios to be in charge of your career." He said.

"I don't know what to say, sir. I am greatly flattered." I said.

"If you agree to this, Danny here will be your manager. He will be in charge of all your actions in the music industry, everything." He motioned to the bald man of the age around 40s, who was sitting beside him.

"I assure you, you will be in capable hands with me. I'll make you world-famous in no time!" Danny said.

"Thank you, I don't doubt that you indeed can." I smiled.

The three men then went on to the finer details of the start of my career. They even decided that it would be better to cut my name shorter, "Rye", instead of "Ryan".

"All you have to do is agree and sign these papers." Raffy said, and Mr. Wells. handed me some papers.

I read them and signed after a while. I gave them back to Mr. Wells.

"Well, I guess we have a done deal. Your journey to the top starts now." Raffy offered his hand for me to shake.

How true his words were, I did become famous quickly. StarMusic Studios made me into one of the biggest stars. "Rye Andersons" was a name that filled the world of showbiz. I became busy right away, Danny filled my schedule with lots of guestings, meetings, music video shootings and of course, lots of recordings. I barely had time for myself.

After a few months....

"Ryan, I have to tell you something." She said.

"Can we save that for later? I need to get to the studio in less than 10 minutes or Danny is going to flip out on me again." I told her as I rushed to get to the front door.

"It's important." She insisted as she followed me to the garage.

"Later. I promise. I gotta scram now." I gave her a kiss on the forehead before getting in the car.

She sighed in defeat. "Ok. Goodbye. Stay safe, love."

"You too, love."

That night, as we were eating dinner, Allie started again. "Is now a good time to talk?"

"Sure. What about, love?" I said in between spooning food into my mouth.

She began "Well, it's about-" My phone suddenly started ringing.

"Hold on." I told her before answering the phone.

"Rye, boy, congratulations! The sales of your debut album has finally reached platinum record!" Danny said over the phone.

"That's great! I can't believe I would even get to that point!" I exclaimed.

Danny continued on, "But that's not all. A lot of bigshots took notice of your talent, so in a few months, they decided to sponsor a concert for you! You really hit it big this time, my boy!"

"Well, all I can say is 'Wow'. It all feels so unreal." I laughed.

"Better start believing then. You're gonna begin rehearsing tomorrow. Your schedule's gonna be really packed now, so I'll make sure your working time is properly managed. You gotta make sure to get a good rest these days. Starting today." He said.

I chuckled. "Sure thing, Danny. Well, have a good night."

I hung up the phone and told Allie the big news. "Allie, love, this is it! I finally hit it big!"

"Oh, that's wonderful!" She said as she gave me a hug.

"Yeah, well, let's finish dinner so that we could head to bed soon." And I remembered our cut-off conversation. "Oh, what was it you were saying a while ago?"

She smiled. "It's nothing. Let's talk about that another time."

The next days that passed were a pretty busy time for me, and then finally, the concert came.

"Good luck, love, but I'm sure you're gonna be great out there." Allie said with a smile.

I pulled her in for a kiss before responding, "Thanks, love."

Suddenly Danny appeared in the doorway of my dressing room. "Your first number's gonna start in 15 minutes, we gotta go now, Rye."

"Are you sure you don't want to use the VIP seat reserved for you?" I asked Allie.

She answered, "Yeah, I'd rather watch the live broadcast on the flatscreen here in your room."

"Well, ok, if you say so." I said.

She squeezed my hand before letting me go. I gave her a last smile before leaving the room.

The concert proceeded better than I expected it to. The audience were screaming for an encore when I finally finished my last song, and since it was my first concert anyway, Danny consented for the encore. All my fans screamed in delight as the first few notes of my song began to play, then they all went quiet as I started singing the first line.

When the concert finally ended, I was already so beat, but I couldn't help but be overjoyed by the fact that everyone who went to the concert left with a smile on their face. That was more than enough to keep me moving on my feet.

I got back to my dressing room and found Allie asleep on the couch. I planted a kiss on her forehead and gently nudged her shoulder. She awoke to this and retracted her legs to get into a sitting position so that I could sit beside her.

I wrapped my arms around her and asked, "Is anything wrong, love? I noticed you've been tired a lot lately."

She snuggled up to me and replied, "Well, it's actually because-"

The sound of the door opening cut her off. Then Danny appeared in the doorway.

"Rye, great work out there. I'm sure you're very tired now, so the van's all ready to bring you home." Danny told me.

I replied as I stood up. "Thanks, Danny." And to Allie, I offered my hand to help her stand and said, "Let's go, so that we can both have some rest."

Soon we were already home. I was just glad that I had enough strength left to take a shower just before hitting the sacks.

Just as I was drifting to sleep, I mumbled to Allie, who was lying next to me, "So why are you often tired again?"

She then told me, "Go to sleep, love."

And soon enough, I was.

I woke up the next morning to find a note left on the dresser. It was written in Allie's beautiful handwriting.

"I went to church today and will be going to see a doctor right after. I won't be back until noon."

"Noon huh? Well, it's 10 in the morning now." I said to myself.

It was my day off from my busy schedule, because it was the post-concert, and Danny said he wanted me to relax for today. So I went to the kitchen to cook breakfast for myself. And as I began to eat, I thought of Allie's note. It said she went to the doctors, and that made me worry that she might be sick. After all, she has been tired lately. It has been 7 months since I started this career, so I hadn't really had much chance to check up on her. I hoped fervently that nothing was wrong with her or her health. We've been together for quite some time now, and I decided that maybe it was time for those wedding bells. I gotta buy the perfect ring soon.

After cleaning up my mess in the kitchen, I stayed in the living room to watch some show that could keep me occupied while waiting for Allie to come home.

A little after 12, I finally heard the sound of her car approaching.

The front door eventually opened.

"How was church, love? You should have woken me up so that I could go with you." I told her as she closed the front door.

She smiled at me. "It was fine. You needed your rest. By the way, Ryan, I need to talk to you."

"Sure, what about?" I asked her.

She took a seat beside me on the couch. "Well, I think you should lay off your career for a while."

This caught me off guard. "Why?"

"I just visited the doctor and he advised me not to do much work. He said that I really need someone to take care of me for now."

"I'm sure we can find some way around it. I mean, we could get a maid or such, I don't think leaving my career would be necessary." I told her.

Then she shocked me with what she said next. "Ok, if that's how you feel. Atleast now I know that your career is more important to you than I am."

I tried to reason with her. "Allie, you know that's not what I mean. Please don't take it that way... You know very well that this has been my dream ever since.."

"Yes, I do know that, and I've always supported you, but I think you've gone too far, Ryan, you haven't even realized how much you've neglected me... You barely even have time to listen to me when we need to talk." She retorted.

"Allie.... You know that's not true. I'm doing this for both of us. For our future together...." I pleaded.

"You think you're doing it for us, but the truth is, you're doing it for yourself. For your own selfish desires of becoming world-reknown. None of this was for the two of us at all...because if it was, you would have noticed back then..." She stood up and hurried to the room we shared.

She started packing up her things.

"Love, what are you doing?" I asked, full of fear.

She took a while before answering. I stayed silent at the doorway as she went on packing.

"What do you think?" She zipped her bags. "I'm leaving." She said as she left the room with her bags. I followed her.

"Allie, love, please don't do this to me....to us...." I hugged her from behind and this brought her to a pause, but I realized that she was already in front of the door.

She didn't turn around to face me, but she did sigh out loud before finally speaking.

"Let's just stop this, Ryan... No, you're not Ryan anymore, are you? You're Rye... And Rye has to go and continue his path to fame..." She broke into tears and went on, "I don't want me and the baby growing in my womb to get in your way,.. Goodbye Rye..." With that she opened the door and slammed it shut...