In My Silence

I'm not pretending that I don't know.
I just choose not to say anything.
Because I know that if these feelings I'd allow to show,
nothing would change, nothing good would happen.

I chose not to act upon it, not to say a single word.
And if I'm hurting now, they wouldn't hear it from me.
Some might say my rationalizing is erred,
but wrong or not, I just rather not fuss over it.

Knowing full well that one word could lead to another,
I kept everything to myself, sharing only to few.
I was fine; I didn't let it get it to me; I didn't bother.
But just like that, the calm, that I veiled myself with, shattered..

My emotions are in wreck.
Like a broken dam, it flows unceasingly.
I had worked so hard to keep it in check.
But those words had stripped me of my protection.

I didn't need anyone to tell me what I already felt.
I didn't need to be woken up nor my eyes be opened.
Because I knew from the start what cards I have been dealt.
I knew it was never a winning hand, wasn't even a safe one.

Silence does not always mean Ignorance,
just as talking about it does not mean knowing all about it.
I wasn't happy with this, but talking would offer no assistance.
I was prepared to wait it out, until it didn't bother me anymore..

But now, in my rawness, it has pierced me so.
To it, I can no longer feign cold indifference.
Now it is something truly called my woe.
And yet despite all this, I still choose to remain in silence.

Whatever I think, whatever I feel.
I will utter no word to them. Not a squeak.
But all this I write today, I write so I can heal.
Words I do not say, in pen I find my solace.

Heart Speaks First

Meaning what you say
Saying what you mean
We both know they’re two different things.

What your mouth says
What your hearts speaks
You say they’re different, but how will I ever know?

You push me away
You tell me you need me
What am I supposed to do?

You’re telling me not to let it all slip away
You’re telling me to not believe all you say
But how would I know what to believe when it’s all a mess?
I can’t just believe some words and disregard the rest.

You say we’re a team even when it hurts.
Saying your words don’t mean as much as what your heart exerts.
It isn’t a good distinction.
No, we can’t stay in this confusion.

To stay together, we’re bound to get hurt sometimes,
Don’t say you don’t mean the words, don’t say they’re just lies.
Sometimes I will get hurt, you will too, but we will learn to be better.
Know that loving won’t work if we can’t be honest with each other.