In My Silence

I'm not pretending that I don't know.
I just choose not to say anything.
Because I know that if these feelings I'd allow to show,
nothing would change, nothing good would happen.

I chose not to act upon it, not to say a single word.
And if I'm hurting now, they wouldn't hear it from me.
Some might say my rationalizing is erred,
but wrong or not, I just rather not fuss over it.

Knowing full well that one word could lead to another,
I kept everything to myself, sharing only to few.
I was fine; I didn't let it get it to me; I didn't bother.
But just like that, the calm, that I veiled myself with, shattered..

My emotions are in wreck.
Like a broken dam, it flows unceasingly.
I had worked so hard to keep it in check.
But those words had stripped me of my protection.

I didn't need anyone to tell me what I already felt.
I didn't need to be woken up nor my eyes be opened.
Because I knew from the start what cards I have been dealt.
I knew it was never a winning hand, wasn't even a safe one.

Silence does not always mean Ignorance,
just as talking about it does not mean knowing all about it.
I wasn't happy with this, but talking would offer no assistance.
I was prepared to wait it out, until it didn't bother me anymore..

But now, in my rawness, it has pierced me so.
To it, I can no longer feign cold indifference.
Now it is something truly called my woe.
And yet despite all this, I still choose to remain in silence.

Whatever I think, whatever I feel.
I will utter no word to them. Not a squeak.
But all this I write today, I write so I can heal.
Words I do not say, in pen I find my solace.